i am writing this straight onto the site.

Take 1. Scene [???]

hold on i need to get my steps in.

Take 2. Scene [????]

i remember pictures. i can't see them behind my eyelids. it's just all pitch

an idea to me. no catch. i don't know if this is normal, or if i'm just praying it makes me different. something to alienate myself with to feel inhumanly better, or inhuman and inferior.

i've been told i can still draw, though. only by people who can do less. we only recognize in others what we don't see in ourselves, or something poetic.

i have the power of creation, without the gift of a blueprint. i wonder if that's how god felt.

anyway, my point was that i remember a picture online of footprints in the sand with a big line dug between them - top text bottom text caption saying something like:

>"TFW"

>"ManPenis!"

i'm the closest i think i'll ever be to whatever i think the person who wrote that wishes he was. don't get any weird ideas. i'm going to slither around the subject, circle around my self for a big wrap up, and swallow it whole. what i'm saying is i got a snake. for some reasons or others, our combined existence has already pushed away quite a few people. burrowed down in, i dug up some things i didn't think i wanted to be buried anymore. i didn't expect to uncover the other perspective that i used to be too high up in the clouds to see. i didn't expect they'd be the ones left in the hole.

i guess i didn't say the footsteps are mine, alone. with the snake. her name's Asystole - a representation of the cessation of electrical and mechanical activity of the heart. she's really pretty. oh. i guess that makes sense now.

i forget that the world can't see inside my head even though it is inside my head. if my head were no longer my head - as deemed by a Flatline on a machine - then there would be no more me and in turn no more world. i can't know this until i see it. the image is crystal clear.

❅